The Best Way to Figure Out Who You Are...

This theme of introductions affords me the opportunity to try to bring some recurring ideas I have been having for the past several months into coherence. Since Desiree was discussing having things "figured out," I want to propose to those who may be struggling with this dilemma of self-discovery that, if you have not already done so, move to a place where everything is completely different from what you know and you are "an other" rather than being rather "like" most everyone else around you. For me, that has been one of the best ways to figure myself out. That's not to say I'm completely there or even that it's been easy (because that would be a big "Hell no!" to both of those), but it has helped me to become aware of the reality that I have a far more cogent adult self than I ever realized.

I grew up in rural southwest Georgia (Moultrie) on a farm. I lived in the same house my whole life. I went to the same Baptist church my whole life with people just like me. I went to school with the same people from the same town who were just like me (diversity in my school was mostly limited to black and white) and were taught by people just like me. We all pretty much looked the same, believed the same, and lived the same. I grew up telling myself I had to get away and that as soon as I had the chance, I was leaving.

Then, I went to Athens (oh, Athens) to the University. I spent four years there. I loved it. While there was much more diversity in types of people there than at home, I was still relatively unchallenged in my view of the world. The vast majority of us there were still Southern white kids coming from the same cultural milieu. And a funny thing happened during the course of my time in Athens. I began to think that Georgia's not so bad...and I could stay here. It is home after all, and I kept reading/hearing about all of the brain drain the state experiences so I felt an obligation to do my part to stop it. After all, I had decided to become an MFT based on the conditions of family and people I saw around me. How was I really going to help people like this by leaving? However, I knew I couldn't "settle" on staying in Georgia since I really had nothing to compare it to. So, in searching for graduate schools, I decided now was the time to experience something different for once. (My own blog, Brandon's Manifest Destiny details my journey from UGA to Fuller. Read the earlier posts though since now it has turned into mostly just my sporadic pop culture geek outs).

Yadda, yadda, yadda...now I live in Southern California. I sometimes tell people back home I live in LA, but people here get disgusted if I say that. Technically, I only live in Los Angeles County, not LA itself (whatev, I say). I actually live in a town called Monrovia (I recently learned that our town was the filming location for the movie "Beethoven" and my house can be seen in it). My school is in nearby Pasadena (about 8 miles west of here). Hollywood is about 15 minutes away (with no traffic) and LA proper is 20-30 minutes away (but I only went there once and was "taken" by an old man while there...stupid!).

All of this to get to my main point though, and that is, for the first time in my life, I am different than the vast majority of people around me. This has made me become increasingly aware of who I am. Seminary will do that to you anyway (actually, I think that any grad program probably does...especially one like Patricia and I are in where we are training to be therapists since we must have our self taken care of in order to help others take care of their selves..., but I don't really have anything else to compare it to. I say seminary will do that simply because the theology classes will definitely mess with your mind since you are analyzing what you hold most dear...for example, my Gospels class last quarter with Beaton is still rocking my world, and it's kind of scary). However, nearly everything about me, all the roles I use to define who I am have been changed or challenged since moving to California. I have become shockingly aware of my own culture(s). Southern culture is vastly different from LA culture. Fuller Seminary is not very much like UGA at all. Despite both (supposedly) being affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention, hearing a Sunday sermon by Brother Phillip back home is insanely different from hearing one of Erwin McManus' "conversations" at Mosaic. And apparently putting my groceries in a buggy is different than putting them in a cart.

My new friends (and strangers) here often call me out on things I sometimes don't even realize are "different" about me: accents (the fun they had taking this quiz with me), dialect (the snicker every time I say "y'all" or "fixing to"), words (such as the aforementioned buggy/cart or the fact that I refer to the road as an interstate instead of freeway and I might say "I-10" instead of "the 10"), food (grits, collards, and okra are unheard of and our ideas of what constitutes "barbecue" are insanely different), drink (who knew that drinking a coke with breakfast was a bizarre "Southern thing" and any lite, or even any kind of domestic, beer is looked down upon as amusingly blue collar here), celebrations (I had to eat Thanksgiving dinner in the OC, barf. And they told me not to call it "The OC"), ideas about agriculture (a straw covered parking lot with pumpkins scattered around is called a "pumpkin patch" here), church (you want a church where you know people? Ha! SoCal has perfected the drive-in church with celebrity pastors. I've settled at Mosaic though I'm not crazy about it, and I visited Saddleback with Rick Warren which was just strange), idea of a good local restaurant (forget something like Five Star Day or The Grit, the best they can offer here is Applebee's or Cheesecake Factory) and manners (sadly, I have had to force myself to stop saying "ma'am" and "sir" to my elders as people here think it's rude and condescending, something that still baffles me).

This is just a sampling. However, as I am surrounded by people who believe/think/act/etc. different from me, it has helped/forced me to become more aware of who I am and what I believe, and more importantly why. This has helped me to learn some things about myself. For example, I have been exploring and learning to appreciate the Southern culture I grew up despising (something that was beginning to brew even before moving as seen here). Whereas for a few years now, I've been thinking to myself that I wasn't crazy about the Baptist denomination and denominations in general don't matter, I am now exploring the history of Baptists and the theology behind the beliefs. While I still think, that denominations don't make a difference in getting to heaven (they are man made after all), they are not evil and unnecessary. I am working on making my Baptist beliefs my own (or right now more on whether or not I want to do that). Were I still in the south where being Baptist is very much a cultural thing, I don't know if I would have been led on this journey. Also, being put into a place where I am different than most people has helped me to avoid hiding behind labels that may not even apply to me. In discussing government and politics with people here (they love their big government here), I realized that my beliefs about the government and what I believe it should or should not do don't really line up with the political label that I had attached myself to. This has led to another recent, and surprising for me, journey of self-examination and searching.

And then there's all that goes on in the classroom as I am learning from and integrating two fields that delve deep into the human experience and what it means to be human-psychology and theology. I am glad that I am in a Seminary that is multi-denominational and draws students from all different areas. In my cohort of 48, there are at least 8 countries, more than 20 states, and over 100 denominations represented. We are a diverse group, but we are unified in our Christian faith and desire to serve others through therapy. For the first time in my life, I am realizing the value of learning in a diverse environment (but living in a diverse area contrasted with what I see at Fuller further cements my long standing belief that diversity without unity is meaningless).

Okay, that was a lot. Some of it I'm sure was unneeded and confusing as it came out rather stream-of-counsciousnessy. Whether or not it properly served the function of introducing myself or not (at least you learned that I am fond of parenthetical asides), it helped me, at least, to verbalize some thoughts and unify several different narratives of my life. In summary, my time in California so far has helped me realize more fully who I am. I am appreciative of my time here for this season of my life, but I'm glad it's just a season. I don't see myself staying here. I mostly hate LA, and as I say that I roll my eyes because hating LA is "so LA." Dear God, what have I become?